Well, it’s kinda hard to claim you’re the victim when you’re standing knee deep in unconsious bodies. Lily and me split out the back door with police whistles screaming behind us. We pelted down the alley. There was a tiny figure up ahead of us, struggling with a suitcase. Sparkplug! 

He ducked around a corner. We sprinted for it. I shot a glance over my shoulder. Cops were swarming into the alley and making a beeline right for us. 

We swung around the corner Sparkplug had taken. He was nowhere in sight. He couldn’t have gotten far, but we really didn’t have time to search for him. Those flatfoots were coming up fast. A fire escape ladder hung down from the side of a building just a few feet over my head. I jumped, caught it, and pulled myself up. Lily was right behind me. We froze as the cops ran by right below us, then tip-toed our way up to the roof. It seemed like the best place to wait while things cooled down. 

While we watched the cops down below hunt around like hounds who’ve lost the scent, Lily and me sorted things out. 

“Looks like Sparkplug musta had the whole thing fixed from the beginning,” said Lily. 

“Yeah. A triple wammy. One he get’s Babyface’s next two opponents to bang each other up before they fight her.” 

“Right. Two, he calls the cops on his own fight so we get arrested and maybe thrown out of the association for fighting in a non-sanctioned bout.” 

“And three, he tries to make sure he’s out the door with everybody’s betting money before the cops come so he doesn’t have to pay us or the suckers.” 

Lily nodded. “What I want to know is, is he working for Babyface, or does he just have a lot of money on her next fight?” 


By this time the cops had cleared off. We were just starting back down the fire escape when I saw something moving down below. It was Sparkplug, creeping down the alley like a cockroach running along the baseboard of a kitchen cabinet. He still had the suitcase. I tapped Lily on the shoulder and pointed down. She grinned. “Good. He musta given the cops the slip just like us.” 

We zipped down the metal stairs as fast and quiet as we could. Spark plug was right under us when we got to the bottom landing, so we just stepped over the railing and dropped, me in front and Lily in back of him. He jumped like a cat in a firecracker factory. 

“Hey, Sparkplug.” 

“How’s it hangin’, Sparkplug?” 

“Ladies!” He tried the big smile. We gave him the stone face. “Sorry about all the excitement. Some joker must have squealed to the cops. I’m glad to see you got out alright.” 

“No thanks to you, pipsqueak.” 

“You sicced your goons on us.” 

Sparkplug gulped. “A... a simple misunderstanding.” 

Lily laughed. “That’s right. You didn’t understand we were gonna kick their butts.” 

I stepped toward him. “Just like we’re gonna kick yours now.” 

He backed away, whimpering. “Ladies, please. Can’t we come to some kind of arrangement?”

I hoisted him up by the collar. “Well, I thought I’d give your insides a new arrangement.” He screamed like a ten year old girl. 

I wasn’t really gonna kill him. I didn’t need a murder rap. I sure put a pretty good scare into him though. I shook him for a while, then swung him around by his ankles, letting him get close enough to the wall to read the fine print on a lost dog poster, then I tossed him to Lily.

She took a more direct approach. She grabbed his fancy gaberdine slacks in her two huge hands, yanked ‘em down to his ankles, bent him over her knee and spanked him until his butt was as red and shiny as an apple. He yowled like a cat caught in a cement mixer. Lily coulda gone all night long. Her arm was like a machine, but people started throwing old shoes and rotten vegatables, so we legged it, taking Sparkplug and the suitcase with us. 


Lily gave me a ride in her pick-up. I was so poor right then I’d taken the bus to get to the fight. We dropped Sparkplug off in front of the police station with his suitcase full of money duct taped to his hairy legs and his pants still around his ankles.

Of course, before we did that we made sure to each take exactly $6000.00 out, the fee Sparkplug had guarenteed both of us.

As we pulled away a couple of tough Latina cops were stepping out of the station. The last thing I saw before we turned a corner war those two LAPD chicas laughing their asses off as the dragged Sparkplug in. 

When we got to my place I asked Lily if she wanted to come up for a beer and maybe to shower off. 

“Sure,” she said, “After spanking that little shit’s dirty ass I at least need to wash my hands.”


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